A close friend once told me: "You fall for people too easily."
She must have gotten tired me telling her about my crushes on guys every half a year or so. I guess she was right, but I denied it anyway.
Then for a while, I just couldn't get those words out of my mind. I do fall for people too easily. It's not that I 'fall in love' with them but rather their little actions always get my hope up. He does something nice to me and suddenly I think "maybe he likes me ?". I'm just a hopeless idiot.
Maybe it's because I'm so desperate to be in love. I wanted so bad to be in love. Why ? So that I won't become a bitter and depressed person.
For all my life, I've only been in love with a guy once. I loved him so much I could have done anything for him. 2 years, for 2 long years I was hopelessly in love with him. It was one-sided but my love for him blinded me, I couldn't see clearly. Despite the clear signs that he wasn't interested, I wanted to believe I could change that. You see, I loved reading shojo mangas then, where the guy always fall for the girl who was always there for him. The Taiwanese drama, 'it started with a kiss' was my favourite. The main girl in the drama just keep loving the main guy, who initially hated her but then grew to love her just as much. Yes, I believed in that fantasy, in fictional stories and happy ending. That, if I keep loving him, keep being there for him, he will fall for me.
What a fool I was.
As soon as she appeared, I knew our story wasn't going to be my version of 'it started with a kiss'. My heart was in denial but I knew, deep down, he wasn't here anymore.
So I told him. I told him that I loved him.
I knew the answer though.
I cried.
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