MI rejection puts an end to all my fantasies, my naive wishes and my foolishness. I hated him, not for rejecting me but for making me believe that love wasn't as beautiful as I've thought.
But he wasn't the first. The first person to have told me that he loved me with all his life didn't take very long (a week) to find a new love either.
Again and again, I desperately tried to find a reason to believe in love by letting myself 'fall' for someone. I was hoping that someone could prove to me that my naive fantasy was possible after all, that someone could really love me for me. But again and again, I was always wrong.
It's not that I don't believe in love. I still cry when I watch those sad romantic movies and read romance novels. But I would never be able to relate to it.
So I built a wall around what is left of my heart.
Whenever I am emotionally caught up with somebody, I always get hurt. I'm so sick of it. I'm so scared of it. I now find myself blocking off people whom I fear are getting too close to my heart. Maybe it is safer this way. Atleast now I won't get hurt.
So I don't trust anymore. I always feel like people are just leading me on, none are honest, none really likes me for who I am.
...
But the truth is, feebly, deep down I am still foolishly holding onto a hope of a happy ending. I want to be able to tear down the wall around my heart for the one who have been waiting outside of it for a long time.
I really am a fool.
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